It's been a long past few days. My emotions have changed more than my thoughts and that is pretty incredible if you know me. But i know i can't keep doing this. I have gone through them all now: Hurt, fear, anger, frustration, brokeness, pity, disgust, apathy,... they go on and on. And after all of them have taken their toll on me you know what i am still here, still standing. My heart is bruised but not broken.



"Daddy you know the deepest desires of my heart. You know my secret longings. You know my passions and hopes and dreams. And fortunately for me you also know not only past and present, but also my future. I know you have already ordained all of my days and i will now accept that as enough. You are more than enough for me. So, this incredible, wonderful, compassionate man of God is yours. I know he is anyway, but i have been selfishly holding him to me and i wont do that anymore. I want to give him back to you where he rightfully belongs. Not that i wont cry anymore or that my heart wont hurt anymore or that i still wont miss what we were. But he is yours. And i would consider it the greatest blessing if you choose to ever give him to me as a partner in life and in ministry, but that is your choice. I wont make choices for you anymore. I love you daddy. I have been hateful and selfish and i don't want to be anymore. You are my everything. Please let him desire the same. I am here. I am listening. I am willing. I am your. Forever <3