I am irritated tonight. It was a good night. Nothing dramatic or tramatic happened, but sometime on the way home my desire for my old habit surfaced and i was overwhelmed with want. For no reason. This is so irritating.

I am homesick. Terribly. Seriously, i feel like a little kid at summer camp. I miss my quiet apartment, my loving church, my awesome friends. I miss seeing the mountains every direction i drive and hearing Malcolms fish tank humming me to sleep. I know that Dalton is definitely wher ei belong right now and i am feeling more and more longing to stay there this fall. I lvoe the kids at church dearly and the thought of leaving them behind, especially the younger girls who need someone to encourage them breaks my heart. What if i am the one that can help them right now? What to do?

I am feeling a little pulled in multiple directions right now. Before i felt clueless with no clear direction and now i am confused as to which direction i should take. Kirk has invited me to live with him, dad has invited me to move near them, and i feel a longing in my heart to remain in dear northern Georgia with my amazing kids in the youth group. So much to decide.

haha i am feeling glad that i have a secret blog. Okay so it isn't a very good secret since i don't have it set as private and it is on the internet, but it is unbeknown to most people. I think Jordan knows about it although it hink he has forgotten about that blog. Thankg goodness lol Because it is my most honest blog. I wouldn't be mad if people read it, but they would probably know me a little more than they were wanting to, so for their sake it is probably a good thing it is unknown. It is nice to have a place that i can go to a rant about things though. It is a release blog for me. My others blogs i love peeople reading because us sharing our stories and being able to track my growth has been a huge blessing for me. But everyone needs a place to rant, be emotional, be unrealistic, be dramatic. And that blog is my place. It will be interesting if anyone finds it one day. And as long as they don't comment on it so i find out about it i wont really care.

I am a little proud of myself. I got my internet bill today and apparently my price was locked for 6 months or something and the new price is almost twice as much which in my language is pretty unaffordable. However, i did not freak out. I have been thinking of ways to revise my budget, maybe having to cut some things out. Before i would have been in tears, but God is still working in me and i am becoming quite the good faithful steward of money. Well i am in a process of becoming that anyway lol

So. Impatient. I long to be married. I long to be a wife. I long to satisfy a man. Oh my gosh the waiting is almost unbearbale sometimes.

Once again i feel on my toes. The air is charged with the electricity of possibility. I am excited and afraid. God is most definitely up to something.

I am for lack of other words..bored. I want to be doing more with my life. If I was waiting for something such as a grant to go through or a job transfer or even more bizarre a wedding then i could see this waiting, but i feel at such a standstill. Like what is my purpose here? I like church and i love my friends but i feel like i am accomplishing nothing here. Is this really where i am supposed to be? I don't want to move without God's direction, but as much as i seek i seem to hear nothing.