Color Me Challenged.

I was working on my Sunday School lesson this morning. I never knew how much work it could be and not just determining the right lesson for the age group you are working with, but making sure that my heart is in the right place the whole time. We studied quiet times last week and this week we will be expanding on Prayer. Now, I have to make sure that I am having a daily quiet time and keeping myself in prayer. I cannot ask of them what I am not living myself. Whew, talk about accountability. My girls need to know how important it is to lift up others daily in prayer and I feel the weight in expressing this to them. I feel that every word I speak and action is being not only noticed by them, but internalized. Scaryyyyy.

Color Me Reminded.

I was listening to Francis Chan today and I was reminded of our purpose and great calling. I am such a rich, selfish, self- interested sinner. I have more than half than world ever will. And I have the GOSPEL so I have everything! How can I complain about needing money? How can I say I am poor? How can I claim to be in need? How can I say I lack anything? How little do I make God in my eyes? Heart check guys. If you think you are in need take a look at how you view God. Take Him out of the box and off of the shelf you put Him in and stand back. Step back a little more, He doesn't do anything small.

Color Me Called.

It is 10:30 in the morning and God has already taught me a very important lesson. The people that are the hardest to love are the people most in need of love. The people that are unlovely and unlovable are the people that we need to pour love into because they need to know that such pure, selfless, no strings attached love exists, which if we are Christians we know it does. I have a friend who is very difficult to love. He is angry, bitter, hurt, and in desperate need of Agape love. He needs to know that such love is real. At first, it was easy to let myself not love him by saying he was rude, selfish and offensive. But then I remembered that I used to be rude, selfish, offensive, and unlovable. When all others could not love me because of how I was, Christ could and He did. He loved the unlovely and unlovable. He loved me. How could I not follow His call to love others the same? I was once them.

Color Me Humbled.

I had forgotten how humbling it is to be searching for a job. I think when we have one we forget what it was like before we did. We forget the nervousness of interviews, the uncertainty of when God will answer our prayer, the fear of being told no. I am glad I am being subjected to this stage again because it is a good reminder to stay humble and to trust God even when He doesn't provide how we ask or when we ask, but in His perfect timing. Keep teaching me Lord! I am your servant and your servant is listening.

Color Me Mysterious.

I love having these blogs because through them I have been able to track growth in myself as well as record events and memories. But, I do like having blogs that others cannot read. I like being able to post something in the open, while having privacy at the same time. I do not care if strangers read those blogs, but everyone needs that quiet space where they can rant and be unreasonable that is not available to their circle of friends. Everyone needs a safe place. I like being an open book to my friends, but I like having a hint of mystery to myself. That way people who really want to know me can figure me out, layer by layer.

Color Me Different.

I have this feeling lately I just can't completely shake. I feel more aware of how short my life could be. It's like we all expect to live to be 90 and accomplished and Hey it's okay if we don't give our all for Jesus today because I should have at least 50 or 60 more years left, right? But, what if we don't? What if this was my last year? How would I want to live it? What if I only have 5 years to share the Gospel? Wouldn't sharing it be more important than anything else? I am not trying to sound morbid, but I am not sure we should live expecting to live a long life. We should use each day as if it were our last. Because what if it is? Is Jesus so satisfying to me and the Gospel so important to me that I am okay with my life being about nothing else? We very well might get a lot of our wants and desires, but are we satisfied enough in Christ that if we don't that we are still as satisfied as if we did? Is Jesus enough for us? Or do we just that He is?

Color Me Curious.

Life is so....unknown right now. The future is a mystery, even tomorrow is cloudy. Everything I desire has reached impossible. Life is at a standstill. Or maybe I am only in the waiting. I almost don't know how to feel about anything. But, this I know: God is God and God is infinitely good. This is all I am sure of. This is all I need to be sure of for now. And so I wait, still.

Color Me Aware.

It is so easy for me to get so wrapped up in myself that I completely blind myself to the hurts and needs of others. When am I going to realize that my first world problems and impatience are not the reason I was created? There. Must. Be. Less. Of. Me. And. More. Of. Him. Other people are hungry and hurting and being hurt and sick and cold and lonely and broken and lost and I am crying because I don't get my selfish desires or because I have to wait for something. What is wrong with me? How do I focus on the reason I was created? Less of me God. Please, empty me so that I can be full of you. Take away any desire I have that did not come from you. It is worthless. You alone are worthy. Help me.

Color Me Unwavering.

I have been thinking a lot of about life lately. I know that sounds super broad, but what I mean is I have been thinking about purpose and responsibility as a Christian. I have rested much of my faith for a long time on other's faith whether family, church, or close friends. I am becoming more and more aware of how important taking hold on my own faith is. I cannot rely on how others live, what they claim to feel, or match how much I am willing to sacrifice by how much they are willing to sacrifice. I have sat on the fence for years now trying to make Americanized Christianity and true Christianity mix. And they don't. They are like water and oil. Americanized Christianity, prosperity gospel, organized religion..This is no longer enough for me. I wanted to take all of the things i wanted and then add God to the mix like a magic ingredient and it doesn't work. I want to want only the things that He wants. I want to be willing to give up everything including my life for Him and the advancement of the Gospel. Yeah, the fence is safe. But God never called us to safe. And I don't want to be anywhere that He isn't calling me. My life is far from comfortable or even nice right now. In fact it is pretty much the opposite. I feel like I have truly lost everything I cared for most. But it is in this loss that I once again discover Christ. He is all that I need. He only satisfies. I may not understand why things are working out the way they are, but He does and Him knowing and being in control is enough for me. I will wait on Him. I will trust and wait. Trust and obey.