Color Me Unwavering.

I have been thinking a lot of about life lately. I know that sounds super broad, but what I mean is I have been thinking about purpose and responsibility as a Christian. I have rested much of my faith for a long time on other's faith whether family, church, or close friends. I am becoming more and more aware of how important taking hold on my own faith is. I cannot rely on how others live, what they claim to feel, or match how much I am willing to sacrifice by how much they are willing to sacrifice. I have sat on the fence for years now trying to make Americanized Christianity and true Christianity mix. And they don't. They are like water and oil. Americanized Christianity, prosperity gospel, organized religion..This is no longer enough for me. I wanted to take all of the things i wanted and then add God to the mix like a magic ingredient and it doesn't work. I want to want only the things that He wants. I want to be willing to give up everything including my life for Him and the advancement of the Gospel. Yeah, the fence is safe. But God never called us to safe. And I don't want to be anywhere that He isn't calling me. My life is far from comfortable or even nice right now. In fact it is pretty much the opposite. I feel like I have truly lost everything I cared for most. But it is in this loss that I once again discover Christ. He is all that I need. He only satisfies. I may not understand why things are working out the way they are, but He does and Him knowing and being in control is enough for me. I will wait on Him. I will trust and wait. Trust and obey.