Teal.

I went with some of the youth last night to play tennis and i had a realization. There was a girl named Michelle there and i knew her, but i had never really talked to her much. But that night she called out my name and it hit me: she knows my name. I have never introduced myself to her before, but she somehow knows my name. And if by no formal introductions she knows my name then what else about me does she know? Is she watching what i talk about and how i dress and what i do in my free time? Does she see ho i react and how i handle stress? And if this girl who i didn't know was watching me then how many other young girls are watching me and how i live? Everytime i realize i am being watched by someone younger i am always overwhelmed at my possible influence. It is as scary as knowing my little sister watches my every move...

Run!

I am being ambushed my teenage boys lately. Three times by three different guys i was hit on tonight with all being under the age of 18. I was hit on the butt, asked what my reaction would be if i was kissed by one of them and flirted with shamelessly by all three. What in the world? I can't get a guy my age to give me a second glance, but the younger guys can't get enough of me. Oh my...

Partner in Crime.

I haven't had a chance to hang out with Kayla in forever and we were due some mischief. Somehow in between eating dinner with Katie and Grey and making cookie dough at my house we ending up "borrowing" a street cone at the college and planting it on Katie's door. Haha good times we had tonight!

These Grey Days.

Life is so blah lately. I am bored to tears. Like this weekend was great. I got to hang out with so many awesome people but i still feel...unsatisfied. I want something purposeful and exciting to do with my summer and it is passing by with nothing happening.

Tinge of Gray

I feel...edgy lately. Bored might be another word. Bored with my job, bored at my apartment. This is sumemr time. I want to do at least one exciting thing thhis summer. Life is good lately, but i am so unsatisfied. I am satisfied in God and completely happy in Him, but with life itself i am just bored. My job puts a damper on doing much such as going on trips, but there has to be something i can do. I am thinking of going on a mini camping trip with God this weekend. It is supposed to rain the next five days but i might suck it up and go anyway. Or atleast go on a hike. Maybe i will find a cliff to climb or a waterfall to jump off of.

Flowers from Daddy.

I went on another walk with God today. I tend to to take them when i have a lot on my mind or when we have a lot to talk about. I have begun(an?) to pick a flower every time we go on a walk together and save them in my Journal. I have several different kinds now and they each make me smile as i remember a particular walk with Him.

Rose.

That is my color today. A soft pink. Bright, yet soft. Today was my day off. I enjoyed sleeping in, a lunch with Pat, Lauren and Chris, had Greg over for swimming and got to see Jenny tonight at church. It was just an all around good day. And the thunderstorm tonight only makes a perfect ending to a prefect day.

i have like a hundred things to write about so i guess i will divide them between my many blogs. But something specific i wanted to write about was last night. So, last night God and i hung out in a tree. I know that sounds pretty weird but it happened. Last night i was at my parents house and i had just been feeling weird all day. I wasn't unhappy or sad or mad or anything in particular. I just felt...blah. I was sitting on the floor feeling blah and God says "Callie, come hang out with me." I told my parents i was going outside for a few minutes and i slipped out. I saw a tree a few houses down and decided to climb it. I get in the tree and God says "Callie, talk to me." So, i start telling God all about how i feel and going on and on. And i finally get everything off of my chest and God says "Callie, sing to me." And so i start singing. And i sing and sing and sing. I sing my little heart out and i begin to feel so happy. And i sigh and say " Thank you Daddy." It was the sweetest moment ever. He wanted to get me away with Him so that he could make me feel better. I am so glad i listened.

Magenta

I am in such a happy mood today. I sang and giggled the whole way to my parents this afternoon and i am so excited to be here. I know by the end of the weekend i will be pulling my hair out and homesick for my little apartment, but for now i love being here with them. I think i may head to the pool. There pool does not stay open all night like mine so i better take advantage while i can. I am having a slight jealousy problem today for some reason i am not sure why, but i guess i will go "throw it up" haha and head to the pool. No time for neagative emotions today!

My heart has felt heavy today with the awareness to pray for close ones of mine. Jordan and Nick in particular have been on my mind and heart to pray for and although i often find myself at a loss as to what i pray for God always supplies an answer. It continues to amaze me how encouraging and praying for others always brings back to me an even greater blessing than i gave to them. And it also continues to amaze me how much others are in need of support. I was so self absorbed before i couldn't even see others needs and now God has opened my eyes i am often overwhelmed by the needs.

21.

I have done this a couple of times already but i like to do it every now and then as my life changes. Also i am 21 now so this will be one thing to count for each year. 21 new things about me you may or may not have known or noticed.







1. I am an avid blogger.



2. I am no longer afraid to talk to people about my past or present. I am an open book now. Read me!



3. I have finally relinquished control of my life over to my best friend and love of my life, Jesus.



4. I am no longer afraid of God.



5. I am learning to have complete peace and joy in every circumstance.



6. God and i are in conversation constantly and i get the weird looks form other people to prove it. (I prefer to talk out loud often)



7. I have learned not to put all of my trust and faith in others not because people are completely untrustworthy but because we are human and God alone is the only one we can have complete trust in. We all let each other down and that should not stop us from having relationships it should only teach us not to put unnecessary strain on them with unrealistic expectations or stress.



8. I have finally learned what it feels like to love uncondtionally, without expectations or even to get love in return. To love simply because we are called to love.



9. I have learned that i was controlling and unloving and i have accepted it was who i was, given it to God, and know i am a new creation. The old has gone the new has come! I have also accepted it may take a long time for others to be willing to see the new me and accept me. All in God's time.



10. I have learned i can encourage people through my life in my blogs. In the beginning it was for me. I wanted a way to track growth. But others began to find encouragement through some of the most painful parts of my life because in the midst of pain they saw God was still there and i still hoped in Him. They have been a huge encouragement to me. Who knew my life could matter to strangers?



11. I have learned to cherish friendships without putting unrealistic expectations on them.



12. I have not only learned to accept pain from God but thank Him for it. Too often we ask "Why me?" and we should. We should seriously contemplate what God is trying to tell us through this pain.



13. God has given me the blessing of putting many people in my path for very specific purposes and i am loving the opportunity with every one of them.



14. I have found my identity in Christ as a women and i love it!



15. I have learned to be financially content with little or much. There has been more "little" lately lol



16. I love my family more than i ever have before in my life.



17. I love how i look and have learned that i am beautiful.



18. I have learned God has put a special burden on my heart to help youth through this time in their lives. I wished for someone to guide me through high school and my teen years which were the darkest time for me. I want to be to them what i needed so much.



19. I have absolutely no idea what God has in store for my future. It is a big blank, a huge question mark right now. Before i would have freaked out and tried to find something to control or plan. I am absolutely content in my lack of information from God right now. His will is only perfect when it is also in His time.



20. I am in love with the Bible right now. Especially the old testament.



21. I was saved in 2009. In 2011 God captured my heart. Oh and i captured His <3

Life is so...unusual right now. So many things are happening that only make my future seem even more cloudy from my current view. But the cool thing is my faith only grows stronger. Not knowing these things would have freaked me out before, now i rest in the peace of knowing that God not only knows my future but hand chose it just for me. Satan has been getting into quite a bot of mischief lately, but it really only makes me laugh because it is so different from the goodness from God that i know right away it is him. So, more growing and more not knowing and more joy :)

Today was beyond amazing. This afternoon started off terrible because i was feeling very left out and lonely. I decided to go for a long walk or rather God invited me to go for a long walk with Him. We always have the best conversations then as people drive by thinking i am a total weirdo because i talk to Him outloud as i walk. Anyway we get to a restaurant and i sit down and i want to text or call someone because i am so lonely, but i say "no, i am not calling anyone, i want someone to call me. I want someone to choose me!" Nothing happens and i begin walking back home very discouraged. But i decided regardless of how i am feeling i am going to praise God anyway because He is God and worth it. so i began to talk to Him and sing to Him. I get home and am not home more than 20 minutes when Keri(who i rarely get to see) texts me out of nowhere saying "I want to swim!!!" It doesn't even click to me that God has not only heard my prayer, but is answering it. Later as we are at the pool it hits me. God heard me. He heart my lonliness and hurt and answered me! I had the best night full of shared stories, conviction, displays of God's power and grace and the best listening ear in the world. I seriously walked back to my apartment in awe and praising God for His goodness.

I went swimming with Traci and the kids today. It was so neat to be apart of today with them. We were teaching Toby how to swim and he would freak out when water touched his face or Traci or i tired to let him float(he was wearing this awesome padded swim suit that helped him stay afloat. He would cling to us while we tried to show him that he could trust us that he wouldn't drown. And once he got the hang out it it was awesome. He giggled and splashed and paddled around and around. My heart melted just watching his face light up and when he would get afraid and grab my hand in a death grip i fell in love with him. It made me look forward to having kids. I never thought about things like teaching them how to swim. It was hard work but so rewarding. I know i said i didn't want kids and didn't want to be pregnant but after spending so much time with Traci and her family and working with so many pregant girls at work my perspective and mind has changed. I definitely want to wait a long time, but i also very much want a family.