Since i am trying to be grateful in my other blog this one tends to seem more negative, but i am human and i do have feelings. So i am growing, but i need somewhere to be honest about my feelings in the mean time. So, this sucks. This growing. This hurt. This feeling of betrayel. I miss him. I love him. But i would also like to hit him over the head with a ton of bricks right now for painting me the most beautiful fairy tale of a future and then taking it all back. I want to kick a wall. I want to cry and be hurt. But i am tired of being hurt. I want to grow, but i am still selfish enough not to want it at this price. So God i am trying, i really am. I know i'm not the fastest learner and my pride doesn't help, but i am trying. I love you. And i am working on the trust no matter what part. So, he says absolutely not about us ever. I say i'm sticking with you because i love you and want to share in ministry with you. One of us is wrong. Help me to be humble if it is me Lord and Humble if it is not. He is in your hands.