I am at a standstill right now. And for a person as fidgity as me this is unbearably painful. I want to be running, jumping, diving into life and i feel as restrained as a child in crib. Is this really where he wants me? If it is i want to obey and be content, but i have so many longings. I have so much pent up energy and desires and..and.. ughh this stillness is driving me crazy. There has to be more. I have two longings right now: to be married and to go back to school. And neither seem possible right now. Especially number 1. And they really go hand in hand because i cannot imagine going back to school and living in a dorm after living on my own for so long. I can see such a perfect little life: Being married, living in a cozy little apartment and going to school, with a nice little job on the side. I am sure God is laughing right now at this perfectly safe, perfectly boring little fantasy. But well if i can't have it(which could be a good thing) at least i can rant about it here. So, there is my fantasy God. I need to hand it over to you and maybe you will make it somehow come true or maybe you will shake it all up and turn my world upside down again or maybe you will change my desires all together. But, regardless i needed to give this to you before my desires weighed me down and made me worthless for you. So, there they are. You are God whether you give or take away. I am here. I am waiting. I am listening.