My feelings are hurt. I feel so unimportant to him. Like i could move away tonight and his life would go on the same as if i was here. Like i wouldn't be missed at all. I am not asking for much. He treats every other girl like he is their knight in shinning armour. Last night he walked Jenny over to my car, opened her door for her(which he never did for me), gave her a big hug and then leaned over and gave me a half side hug and walked off. That hurt. Like Jenny is a princess and i am nothing. Like i didn't even matter. I wanted kick something or maybe him. I hate that i let him hurt my feelings so much especially with little things. I hate that he even can hurt my feelings. I wish he didn't even matter to him. I wish i didn't like him at all. But depspite how much i want to tell him to shove off and never even call me again or kick him or call him the worst things i can think of i can't because despite everything i love him deeply in the truest sense of the word. And i really do want the best for him. And i want him to be happy. I just wish i wasn't the only one putting anything into this so called friendship. Because we aren't friends really. We are people who tolerate each others presence and who occassionally can even manage to be nice. He calls me late at night to just fall asleep. Which used to be cute. But now makes me feel like i am being used. It was cute when he did that after we talked, but we never talk anymore. He calls at all hours of the night and morning with no interest in telling me about his day or hearing about mine. We never talk at all anymore, he just wants to fall asleep. He says he likes to see me but when i do show up places he is at or see him at church i am practically invisible to him. He is just as happy to run off to talk to Maci or Paul. He never sits down and talks to me. I could move tonight and it would take him days to figure out i wasn't here. So here i go again being the repsonsible one. Working hard. Paying bills. Letting him call at ridiculous times just to fall asleep while i lay there lonely. I am seriously thinking about moving. I have nothing holding me here anyway. I talked to Traci last night about moving to Florida to live near Her and Mark. Maybe it is time for a change. Maybe we need some real space to sort things out. I am going to look into it. I have been wanting to go back to school. Maybe this is my opportunity. Until then i am going to have to ask God to take away some more of this bitterness and pride and pray for him. It is all i can do. And probably the best thing. Because depsite this very angry blog i Love him beyind my ability to understand. And Love is not angry or bitter. Love is 1 Corinthians. That is my goal.