Gray.

I am all doubts right now. Maybe i was wrong. Maybe what i feel doesn't matter. Maybe it is time to move on to somewhere else. So God and i fight it out. Me trying to either run or slide back into my old shell and God calling me out on it. We go round and round. I can't stand the jealousy anymore. It is petty and pitiful and it is eating me alive, but no prayers or wishes or attempts to let it be make it go away. It follows me around constantly. It is destroying my friendships and it is going to eventually destroy me. I want to just leave. Just go somewhere else and let whatever happens here happen and then at least i wont be here to watch it. This blog is getting to personal so i will resume in another one.