Color Me New

It has been such a life changing experience being married(and it has only been a few months!) Being married challenges you in many ways but two for me in particular. The first is that is shows me who and how I really am. I thought I was such a good person before XD Now it is like seeing my true reflection for the first time.  I see my true desires, my selfishness, my deepest hurts, my longings. And these things do not just affect only me now. The second thing is becoming one with someone. I never fully understood what it meant when the Bible says "the two will become one" Even at the wedding those words still rang a little hollow, but I understand now. When two people become one it is no longer MY hurt feelings, it is ours. If I am self conscious or demeaning or hurtful I am not just hurting myself I am also hurting James because we are one. And likewise for him. When one of us is damaged we are both damaged. If  I have negative thoughts or use hurtful words or mistreat my body I am also doing all of those things to James. That is a hugely sobering thought. No wonder those few who learn to truly become one with someone are such amazing Christians. They have been tested by fire and emerged still being one. The ugliness of divorce become even more horrible after being married because you realize that because you are one person there is no way to separate two people who have become one without painfully destroying the other person. There is no way to make it 50/50. Someone will always pull away with more and both people will forever carry scars and pain. Marriage is so much more powerful than I realized.