Maroon.

I am a little more than frustrated right now. I have to get rid of almost everything i own before i can move in with my brother. I cannot take any furniture except my mattress and i am finding that i will not be able to bring very little else beyond clothes. I am wondering where all of this is going to leave me after he moves and i find somewhere else to move on to. Of course the ideal is to come back here. Or is it? I don't know anymore. I have one longing in my heart and less than 1% chance of it ever being fulfilled. Part of me thinks getting back to the basics is exactly the thing i need to be doing right now. Like in every other part of my life, my house has become cluttered with "things" i supposedly "need". I have become so emotionally attached to petty materialistic things like books and old, favorite blankets just because i have had them for years. Should it really be this hard to let such insignificant things go? No wonder if it hard to let other bigger things in my life go when i can't part with a book i read when i was 7 or a DVD collection i keep because i love the main actor in it. I am appalled at my devotion to these things. I have carried them from house to house, faithfully keeping track of them and lovingly giving them places of honor. I treat my possessions with more love and respect than i have treated people. I started off this blog frustrated at having to part with my possessions and now i end it feeling ashamed at how tightly i have held on to them. I can't believe such temporary pleasures have captivated me so easily while hurts of others and their needs look me straight in the face everyday and yet i can so easily turn away from them. How can this be? I am going to see just how little i can travel with. I am going to see which things i truly consider the things i feel i can't live without. I have a feeling i am going to learn a lot about myself. I have a feeling i might not like what i find.